So near, yet so far...

It's been a week since I have last visited this blog... Been busy at work... Looks like everyone is busy, including her. It's kind of frustrating when you don't get to talk to her. I dunno, she seems to be the balm for my soul or something. When there are days that I don't hear anything from her, I feel uneasy, anxious even tense. When she calls though, even for a while, there is this calm that settles over me. This is love I guess. But facing to reality, I guess I am not cut out to have someone like her. Besides I don't think I would match up to the other guys who want to be with her... Oh well I guess I can dream can't I.... she has been through a lot too... the least thing I could do is to make sure that she is happy at all times. I did promise her that I would always be there... And I promise I would intend to keep

@}-->--,--'---

I'd love to make you mine
'Cause it's the only way to hold you
In my wild imagination Still I don't know how
To grab a chance and spend some time
In just a simple conversation

Just give it a try
I'm not chasing rainbows in the sky
I wanna hold you in my dreams
And make believe that it's true
I know, I know That it's impossible to do
'Cause you're a star
People love you as you are
You're a million miles away from me

I wish that you were here
Coz it's illusions everytime you're close to me
And sing my love songs
And it's the only way
I could tell the world I love you
Although you're a million miles away

Just give it a try
Though I'm not chasing rainbows in the sky
I wanna hold you in my dreams
And make believe that it's true
Although I know, I know That it's impossible to do
'Cause you're a star
You're a star
You're a star
A million miles away from me

Whew!

It has been a while since I posted to this blog... been super busy with work. Too many meetings here and there that I'm starting to have a headache every single day.Sure I asked for work.. but I think this is too much. Well if everything goes well, not only I will be part of a very big project, but a good thing to place on my resume. I thought that work is the most important thing in life. I guess I was wrong. I applied for this position in a company which entails lots of travels abroad, even long term. When I told my friend this, she told me she felt sad. I guess at that point is that the important thing is not letting the people you care about be sad, so I promised myself I would make the people all around me happy while I am still breathing....

Anyway.... I'm just letting out some steam.... till next log-in (which may take a while due to the hectic schedule I'm in right now)

TTFN

Fear...

No matter how strong you think you are... or how fearless, it may seem to be a facade since we fear something, even just a single thing.

I am afraid of spiders
I am afraid of snakes
I am afraid of being buried alive
I am afraid of dark confined places
I am afraid of losing the people I love
I am afraid of being alone.

What are you afraid of?

Work, Work and More Work

Sigh... Just got home from a gruelling 8 hour meeting... Jeez, I was tasked to be one of the key people to develop a very large scale system in less than two months.We had no choice about the schedule as they were trying to rush things.... It's like being in a shotgun wedding like my officemate says.. Hahahaha

It's a good thing I do like my work no matter how hard it can be. Other than the challenge, it is the pride and accomplishment of a system being used by other people. And that goes for all the projects that I have finished. And am willing to do more....

Here is a poem I want to share... maybe this could help if you are feeling burned out :)

If you don't like your work,
You'll need three times the energy:
To force yourself to work,
To resist the force,
And finally to work.

If you love your work,
Your desire to do it
Will be like a wind
To propel your ship
With much less fuel.

If you like your work,
You work no more -
For your work when you like it,
Is work no longer,
But sheer enjoyment!

If you enjoy your work,
You'll work and work
Without counting the hours
And you'll reap and enjoy
More earnings as well.

LOVE YOUR WORK! :D

To the great beyond...

Sometime in our life we would think about our own demise... When we would die, or how would we die or simply put... "What would happen when we die.

I read in a book about a man saying, "When I was born into this world crying and all around me are smiling... but when I die I would leave a smile on my face while everyone around me are crying". I think this is the scenario most people like to happen in the span of their lives. Sometimes I do wonder, who would cry when I die? Or what happens to the people I would leave behind. My preference though is that there should be a celebration since this is a festival of my freedom from this life, and journey into the next. I also hate that it would rain tears... because this is bound to happen in my life.... we can't escape death... although what I want is to spread my ashes from the sky :)

Another quote boggles me... "I'd die for you". Do you honestly think that we can make our loved one happy by dying for them.... I think its better to say: "I'll live for you"...well that is just my opinion. We can make our love happy while we are alive... hehehehehe :D

Sometimes I think thirty years is too long to live... but I'd get whacked on the head if my folks hear me say that :)

Unrequited

Have you ever had this need to express your feelings to someone yet you fear that they don't feel the same as you? Have you ever wanted to say "I love you" to someone but all they can say is "I can only be your friend". Or have you experienced giving yourself wholeheartedly to someone but get nothing in return. This is called Unrequited love.

Unrequited love is no doubt one of the most common experiences that we go through.We give our all to someone but she cannot return the feelings with the same intensity. As the Filipinos would say "Dinadala sa Luneta yan" (Brought to Luneta park for Execution like the Filipino martyr Dr. Jose Rizal). In a sense, this could be one of the purest forms of love if you still continue to love that person knowing nothing will happen in the long run. Simply because we put our emotions into it and expect nothing in return (Love should be unselfish). But this is also unhealthy in the long run, since you are giving too much of your self without asking for anything in return and you find out that you have nothing more to give. Sigh... It hurts, life is unfair sometimes but there are two choices here, continue to love that person but expect nothing in return, or move on.

Sometimes I pretend to be strong even I'm not, sometimes I cry only at night, sometimes I make believe that she loves me back. But this is only a fantasy. When sunrise comes that fantasy is again broken and it is time to face reality again. But I guess I am used to it (hehe)

Sometimes its better off not telling how you feel and instead show it. In that way you could still express your feelings to her without asking the question, "Do you feel the same?" and not getting that hurt in the process. But then again, when she finds someone else it becomes doubly painful.

As for me, I love her as a knight loves a princess. I pledge my devotion, loyalty and love in the pursuit of her happiness without expecting anything from her in return.For I am the Knight of Solitude.

(Somebody Shoot me... hehehe)

Wandering Voyage

Hi, this is Onin here. Systems Analyst by day, Literary Artist by night. I used to have a blog before but I forgot the address. So I decided to create a new one. More often than not, I try to express myself in verse. But maybe this is a chance where I can could write my feelings via "stream of consciousness" mode where I would right the things on my mind at that exact same moment... such as thinking of a person whom I can't get of my mind.. but that is another story to boot... since this is my introductory blog, I would explain some of the things. Why Knight in shining armor, and why wandering voyage? To answer that, I have always been fascinated by the stories of Chivalry and Knighthood, and more often than not, I like to be some sort of "Sir Galahad". Why wandering voyage, well like the search for the holy grail, I too am wandering about, searching for meaning, my happiness maybe, or my soulmate, or simply my end... What would be in store for me at the end of my journey. Why Knight of Solitude, because right now I am a wanderer, in search and alone, doing things for other people as well as for those in need... My life is simply an adventure (boring adventure that is)

Hope you could hang around as I go about the so called journey of life.